Severus,
by Sparkly Faerie
Summary: I've been agonising over how to start this letter for weeks now, and even now I'm not entirely sure that it's going to come out right. However, I feel that this needs to be said. I don't think you understand exactly what happened that day by the lake.


**Hey guys!**

**So, this was originally meant to be a short on Tumblr, but in the end it got way too long and I thought I should post it here. It's my first non-JPLE fic! Quick, before I die of shock!**

**This short was originally inspired by a piece of fanart called _The Note +Lily and Snape+_ that I found on Deviant Art. Go search it. Or you can check my Tumblr (link in the profile) to see the pic. I've also linked to the artist there.**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own Harry Potter or anything associated with it. All rights to Harry Potter and affiliated products belong to Ms J.K. Rowling and the other proper entities.

**Summary:** I've been agonising over how to start this letter for weeks now, and even now I'm not entirely sure that it's going to come out right. However, I feel that this needs to be said. I don't think you understand exactly what happened that day by the lake.

**Rating:** T

**Genre:** Angst/Drama

**Warnings:** None.

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><p><strong>Severus,<strong>

Severus stared at the letter in his hand. Lily had handed it to him as she passed their—_his_—desk as she entered the dungeons for the first N.E.W.T. level potions class of sixth-year. A small part of him had hoped that she would join him at their customary table in the front of the room. Instead, she headed for the back, claiming the now-vacant seat next to the dirty werewolf. His little fat friend had obviously not managed to make it into N.E.W.T. Potions. No big surprise there.

As he twisted in his seat to stare at her, he met Potter's eyes—the twat was sitting at the bench directly next to her new potions partner. The prick merely raised his eyebrows at Severus, sneaking a look over to the side and returning his gaze to the front with a self-satisfied smirk and a shrug.

_Too bad, Snivellus,_ he mouthed to him. Severus surreptitiously gave him the two-fingered salute. He was annoyed when Potter and Black only snickered.

As Slughorn started going on about love potions or some such nonsense, Severus zoned out. Honestly, he could _teach _this bloody class.

He twirled the small envelope through his thin fingers for a moment, not entirely sure he wanted to know what it said. Their last confrontation over the summer had not been pretty.

But what if she'd actually listened to him? What if she was apologising for overreacting and was just sitting there until she knew for certain that he'd forgiven her?

He opened the letter, hiding it behind his cauldron as Slughorn droned on.

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><p><em>Severus,<em> it read,

_I've been agonising over how to start this letter for weeks now, and even now I'm not entirely sure that it's going to come out right. However, I feel that this needs to be said._

_I don't think you understand exactly what happened that day by the lake. 'Mudblood' might just be another word to you, Severus, but it's not to me. It's a clear indicator (at least to me) about where your loyalties lie. I can't continue to be friends with someone who wants my kind (muggle-borns) either forced into subservience or killed. I refuse to grovel to your Lord or your friends for the right to live._

_Calling me 'Mudblood' is like saying you want me dead, Severus. And I know you said it in the heat of the moment, you were angry and humiliated, but those things always have a basis in what we really think and feel. I'm left to wonder—how long were you calling me 'Mudblood' behind my back, Severus? How many times did you look me in the eye and lie to me about your views on blood purity and pureblood supremacy?_

_I wont ask you to consider this from my perspective, because I know that it's impossible. I know you hate Potter and that what he and Black were doing after the D.A.D.A. exam was embarrassing for you, but that didn't give you the right to call me a racial slur and humiliate me in front of the whole Year. You don't understand how much that hurt me, Severus. I felt like a right prat—I've been defending you for years and years. People would accuse you of being like all the other Slytherins—nose-deep in the Dark Arts and eager to get out of school and join You-Know-Who—and I would defend you. Every time. Until that moment, when you threw it in my face like that, I hadn't believed it. Not really. But now I can't look at you without seeing a Death Eater in training. Someone who wants me and my kind killed._

_You've said that you want to fix our friendship, but I don't honestly see how you possibly can. You remember, don't you, that you said that associating with me in public would alienate you from the rest of your House? Well, Severus, how do you think my house viewed me until we stopped speaking? I told you that none of my friends understood our friendship, but I don't think you get that I was always looked at funny for associating with you._

_I took so many steps to try to stay friends—I picked up your disgusting smoking habit (I really do hate it, and I plan on never doing it again), I put up with your horrid mates calling me the worst names (they didn't just call me 'Mudblood', Severus. They called me 'slag', 'whore', 'bitch' and other assorted derogatory insults), and I put up with you insulting my friends and my housemates (who aren't even all that bad. Remus told me exactly what happened that night James Potter saved your life, and I can't believe you're holding it against any of them but Black)._

_I refuse to apologise for overreacting. I did not overreact. The fact that you can't even see how deeply you offended me is further proof that we can no longer be friends. I refuse to be friends with someone who does not consider—and outright dismisses—my feelings. I cannot do it._

_I will always remember that little, awkward boy who first approached me at that park in Cokeworth. He was my first real link into the magical world and I will always remember that little boy fondly. But, Severus, you are no longer that boy—you've changed into something hard, and cold, and ugly, and I can't stand it. And no, before you get upset and think that I'm insulting your appearance, I'm not. I'm talking about your soul—it's been twisted and corrupted by the company you keep. I wish it hadn't been. I wish you were still that little boy, but I know now that time changes people. Neither of us are those little children anymore, and we never will be again._

_The one thing I hate more than the Dark Arts, Severus, are bigots. People like you and your friends, who believe that people like me are the scum of the earth and should be excluded from this world merely because of who our parents happen to be._

_I'll leave you with my wish that, one day, you'll realise exactly what it is you're doing. That you'll wake up and see that you're headed down a dangerous and evil path. We are at war, Severus, and the lines have been clearly drawn. I see now that we stand on opposite sides._

_I have nothing more to say to you. Please do not speak to me again, unless you honestly see exactly what I'm talking about and are prepared to come to fight on our side of the battle._

_From,_

_Lily Evans_

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><p>Shaking fingers folded the parchment carefully as he tried to control his breathing.<p>

He wanted to hit something.

She was such a _stupid_ little girl! She didn't understand _anything_!

_Well, fuck her, then_, he decided. If she couldn't bring herself to view it from his perspective, then he would stop trying.

He looked back over his shoulder, to find her watching him, a wary expression in her eyes. He hadn't been sure what he expected—maybe a flash of regret or apology to pass across her face—but as she studied him and realised that he was angry with her, her own eyes hardened. As he watched, she deliberately turned her head (forcing her expression into a pleasant-enough smile) and struck up a conversation with the three boys to her left. The ultimate betrayal. She'd dropped him for _them_.

His hand twitched, wanting to rip her letter to shreds, or burn it, or both. But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Instead, he pressed it into his Potions book and started preparing his ingredients for the lesson.

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><p><strong>Just my take on Snape, I s'pose. I mean, it's clear that he didn't understand her point of view, since he still ran off and joined the Death Eaters anyway.<strong>

**So, lemme know what you think?**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Sparkly Faerie.**


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